


Chesney's Pilgrim Parties

by tptigger



Category: Derkholm Series - Diana Wynne Jones
Genre: Fake Websites, Gen, I hope it's as fun to read as it was to write, Meta, This Is Incredibly Silly, online reviewers are brutal, travel reviews
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:47:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21903223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tptigger/pseuds/tptigger
Summary: A selection of online reviews for Chesney's Pilgrim Parties
Comments: 16
Kudos: 39
Collections: Yuletide Madness 2019





	Chesney's Pilgrim Parties

**Author's Note:**

  * For [logorrhea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/logorrhea/gifts).



> I couldn't quite make a whole story out of this, but I saw your letter thought some online reviews for Mr. Chesney's tours might be fun. Hope this works for you, logorrhea!

Text Only Mode (Click here for full site)  
Chesney's Pilgrim Parties  
$$-$$$$ Average rating: Lifetime: *** 1/2, Past twelve months * 1/2  
Vendor Website Text  
Tired of your mundane day-to-day life? Is Universal's Harry Potter park not immersive enough? Want to go on a month long adventure in a world of dungeons, dragons, wizards, bards and dark lords? Join Mr. Chesney's Pilgrims on a tour of Fairyland fraught with danger, excitement, intrigue, seduction, and adventure. Tours start as low as $799. Call 1–555–5TOUR7 or click www.ChesneyPilgrimParties.com

Top Reviews:  
N. Bach  
* Disorganized mess (5 days ago)  
This tour was a mess! Our wizard disappeared halfway through, I'm pretty sure his beard was fake, and our bard--well, our bard was adequate but she was absolutely no help when our wizard disappeared. We just kind of sauntered home after that. No fun.

BilbosBest  
*** I hope Tolkien is getting royalties (4 years ago)  
This is seriously derivative. The Wild Hunt mythos goes back hundreds of years, the wizards are straight out of Tolkien. Then, in the grand finale, the Dark Lord sort of rumbled, made a lot of scary noises and then fell into a pit! It was rather disappointing after two actors in our party were "killed" rather spectacularly in a bandit raid. The dead bodies were ridiculously realistic! I almost puked. And then that disappointing grand finale. I could've forgiven the derivative wizards (I mean they were all men with long, white beards, come on!) if they'd kept up the showmanship quality.

W. Day  
* What the heck? (3 Months Ago)  
No wifi! There wasn't even a signal on the phone! I left my D&D party in a lurch because I couldn't phone in. WTF?

D.W. Jones  
** Better writers required (2 Years Ago)  
Seriously? This was the most derivative portal fantasy LARP I ever experienced. Also, if they're going to pay an actor to pretend to die, they could at least have them be a character that deserves it. I liked Fred!

Geeky Travler  
* Terrible special effects (3 Weeks Ago)  
We were attacked by a wild hunt that looked like a bunch of geese wearing silly costumes! WTF.

Geeky Travler  
* Heteronormativity Abounds (8 Days Ago)   
To be fair, no one seemed a bat an eyelash when I would bet my eyelashes at busty wenches despite being a busty wench myself; on the other hand, while all the men were being thoroughly seduced by the enchanted sorceress, I was stuck in the servants' quarters helping to sew tapestries! Besides this development just being horribly sexist, I wanted to be seduced by the sorceress! She was smoking hot! One wonders if they manage to conjure up a sexy sorcerer (or at least a wizard with a better kept beard) if any guys who are into guys come on the tour. Anyway, ladies, unless you feel like spending several weeks sewing tapestries, this may not be the best choice for you.

IRLFoggyNelson  
**** Awesome! (2 Years Ago)  
I loved everything about this tour! The sexy sorceress made me feel desired for the first time in my life! Our bard was incredibly knowledgeable about everything we needed to know! We got to fight the wild hunt and explore castles and eat in taverns. And then we got to defeat the dark lord! The only reason I didn't give it five stars was I didn't like that there were two actors in our party that got "killed." I thought it would be like a comic book and they'd come back at the end but no such luck. So depressing!


End file.
